The aging process
by Bloodthirsty
Summary: Rating for ish-stuff. After the restoration of Nosgoth, Kain feels outdated and lonely. So, meanie greenie decides after all these years to get into contact with some old friends. R&R for free cookies.


Summary: Kain feels old and lonely after the restoration of Nosgoth, and after years of being a recluse, he tries to get into contact with several old friends.

Author's notes: Mmkay, it's Bloodthirsty, back once more to her precious LoK series. It's been aages since I've posted, I know. If anyone even remembers me, that is. Anyhoo, I promise you, this is simply the beginning and I need to get past a bunch of boring crap to get to the good stuff. I also realize that probably most of this isn't accurate, but poo on those who really care. This is fanfiction, after all. Soo, that said, enjoy!

Oh, and disclaimer. Kain is my bitch, but I suppose 'technically' he belongs to Edios, yada yada, so no I don't own him, and no I'm not making any money. is sad and broke

Kain sighed as he set down his newspaper. He'd skimmed through the horoscope section trying to pick the best one, as he couldn't remember his own birthday, and soon realized just how pathetic that seemed. _'Once, the Overlord of Nosgoth, now look at you.'_ His brow furrowed about as much as it possibly could, and he looked down at his feet. Those feet, which had walked over so many, crushed skulls of Sarafan rulers, and even having kicked one or two in the groin, were now appearing just as pathetic as him reading predictions based upon dates of birth and picking ones that suited him best.

Yellow ducky slippers. The Sarafan Lord had thought it so clever to send those to him as a gift. He vowed never to wear them, but lately it had been getting so cold and they looked so fuzzy and warm... Well, they didn't help much. His toes had been a little too much, those two massive things, and burst through those cute black little eyes. He'd once gotten someone at his door, asking for directions with a little child and the sight of Kain and his impaled ducklings made the poor kid cry. That was something the Vampire lord would have revelled in, but not now. He was old, and although it was hard for him to get any wrinklier, or his hair to turn any more grey, he felt lonely.

And as much as he begrudged himself to admit it, he'd gained some weight as well. The giant mirror in his room was the only real company, although he didn't much like looking in the mirror anymore since he'd gotten that tire around his waist. Perhaps it had shrunk miraculously with no real exercise. So, he entered his bedroom with that smelly little bed (he found coffins now to be a little too tacky and cliché) and admired himself in the mirror. As green as ever, but at a close look at his side profile, there was indeed a bulge, and not the kind he would have wanted. This was all too depressing, so he went back into the living room and turned on the record player, enjoying the cool mellow jazz that no ghetto blaster or subwoofer stereo system could compare to.

But oh, how he reminisced. His kids, however juvenile and petty they might have been, were of his making and he missed them dearly. Melchiah, and his constant bemoaning of how horrid his life was, when really the only thing horrid was his personal hygiene, he really did adore him. And Zephon, his spider-like son who simply adored playing with others; not playing nice mind you, but enjoying himself all the same. Rahab, what a little book worm he was. Always so avoidant and reclusive, but he could recite a mean poem. Dumah, well, he was just sort of stupid, but man could that boy give you an arm wrestle.

And lastly, Raziel. He could hold a grudge longer than it took to pour molasses in February, what with the annihilation of all his brethren and the like, but he took after his old man in that area. Well, not as of late. Kain couldn't hold a grudge anymore at all. That was a combination of him wanting people to talk to, and him being too old and lazy to exert the effort. He also convinced himself that he was too lazy to call people and try to meet up with them again, but truly it was because he was nervous. All it took though was another glance at those eyeless ducks adorning his feet, and his cold toes protruding from them and he turned off the music and picked up the phone.

"Now... what was his number again?" Kain muttered to himself as he flipped through his dusty yellowing address book. "Oh, under V. Obviously." And Kain looked at the number, slowly and meticulously punching them into his phone. It rang several times before going to an answering machine:

"You've reached Vorador, sorry I'm not here to take your call but leave a message, and if you're a telemarketer, your address as well, and I'll get back to you ASAP." Then, there was the beep, and Kain who was not at all familiar with the modern lingo pondered aloud to himself.

"ASAP? Uh! Yes, um, Vorador, it's me, Kain. It's been a long time, I realize this, but uhh, I was wondering if you wanted to get together and catch up on things, you know, find out what's been going on, that sort of thing, so, umm, I guess, that's it. Oh, yes! My phone number is-" Then, there was another obnoxious beep, and Kain realized he'd been cut off. He hung up the phone, feeling rather embarrassed that he'd rambled on so moronically and was somewhat relieved his number was not caught on the machine. However, he also felt somewhat disappointed that he'd probably find the courage to call again in oh, fifty years or so.

But still there was one last person he could call. He didn't like this person, but hey, he'd changed, maybe Moebius had as well. Looking under M, he found the number and once more carefully dialled, making sure not to hit the wrong ones. One ring, then two, then three, and finally:

"Hello, Moebius speaking."

"Moebius? It's me, Kain." Kain said softly.

"..."

"Remember me? Um, I slaughtered your Sarafa-"

"Yes, you idiot. I don't know how I could forget you, Kain. Now what do you want?" Was the snippy reply.

"Well, um, really, just wondering how you were doing, that sort of thing."

"...Okay. I'm doing just fine, thanks. And yourself?"

Kain was positively taken aback, and it took him far too long to answer that question. "Uhn, I'm doing well. You know, same old." And there was an awkward silence that nearly made Kain hang up.

"So, Kain, are you busy anytime soon? I mean, maybe we could catch up face to face, and uh, feed some ducks or something. Not that I'm not busy, but I can free some time up."

"Me too, got things to do, but I can probably free up my, um," _'What do you call those things again?!'_ "Schedule! That's it, and um, make some time."

"Tomorrow at two then? The pond in Pinegreen Park?"

"Sure."

"Bye, then."

"Uh, see you."

Then Kain hung up, blinked, and realized he was meeting up with someone for the first time in what seemed like forever. Although looking down at the gut that blocked him from seeing most of his feet, he began to hope that Moebius got really fat. Horribly obese in fact, and clad in many liver spots, but Kain wasn't bitter at all.

Two O'clock, just as specified. Kain had been waiting there about an hour or so, on a park bench situated under a large fur tree, a paper bag with bread slices in it, simply waiting for this disgustingly overweight Moebius to roll his way into the park. But instead, a thin, almost skeletal figure made his way towards the bench, and Kain grumbled to himself when he realized this thin man was indeed the revoltingly fat Moebius he was hoping for. His gaunt face stretched into something Kain interpreted as a smile, and the Vampire patted the seat beside him.

When Moebius sat down the bag he was carrying made a suspicious clinking sound, and Kain had no qualms about snatching it and looking inside. There was bread, of course, but also a mallet and a wooden stake. Kain narrowed his eyes at Moebius and refused to give the paper bag up. Moebius however looked indignant and sat down anyway.

"I wasn't sure if you were going to kill me or not, it's self defence!" Moebius said in a strained sort of voice, and although Kain kept glaring he was flattered that his enemy was still wary. He handed the paper bag over and reached into his own, tearing and tossing little bits of bread for those cute little ducks. He couldn't help but picture them with his toes jutting out of their tiny feathered heads though, and he smirked to himself because of it. Moebius was grinning as well, but his was for an entirely different reason.

"You've really let yourself go, haven't you Kain? How does one get so chubby on a diet of blood?" Moebius snickered a bit, also tossing little pieces of bread to the ravenous ducks.

"I'll have you know my diet is fine, thanks. It was all that running after you and taking care of your damn Sarafan warriors that kept me in shape." Kain snorted back, lifting his nose a bit and trying to subtly suck in his stomach.

"It's called a gym, Kain. They have them now to keep people from becoming fat." He chuckled again, feeling he had quite the advantage. Kain, however, came back with something that was surprisingly witty. Well, at least in his mind it was.

"It's called Rogaine, Moebius. At least I have a head of shining beautiful commercial-worthy hair." Kain growled back, throwing the bread bits harder and harder as their bantering continued until he hit a duck in the eye. He stopped then, as the other ducks appeared to glare at him.

"Touché, Kain. A pity your skin is green, and so bad it would probably shatter the camera." Moebius sneered back although truly he wasn't feeling nearly as hostile towards his nemesis as he would have years ago.

"Yes, yes. I'm far too old for that sort of stuff anyway." Moebius chuckled, and so did the Vampire. Surprisingly enough, despite the constant bantering that occurred throughout the conversation, Kain rather enjoyed himself. That is, until a question popped into his head, and he gave Moebius a suspicious sort of glare.

"How are you alive? I beheaded you!"

"No, you didn't." Moebius replied curtly.

"Yes I did! Don't you remember? You said something stupid like, 'You're going to die, Kain!' something idiotic like that, and I replied 'Oh, but I am dead, and so are you!' and cut off your head! Just like that!" Kain's strange crown twitched in an attempt to furrow his brow, but bone doesn't tend to move so much so it didn't add too much effect.

"I did not! I think I would remember having my head cut off, Kain." Moebius said, although gave a wry smile and patted his nose as if to say 'Ha ha, I know something you don't know!' and Kain gave up for the moment. Moebius elbowed Kain in the side though, and grinned, giving him the warmth of a smirking skeleton.

"And what about those rumours of you, Kain?" Moebius still had that sly little smile, and Kain narrowed his eyes.

"What rumours?"

"Oh, nothing major. Just you copulating with, oh, several people." The Ex-Time streamer continued to nonchalantly toss out bits of bread, although observing Kain's reaction from the corner of his eye. Kain was absolutely flabbergasted, having become a bit of a prude in his solitary time.

"I beg your pardon! Who exactly are you referring to?!" Kain stammered, hoping that he was still as good a liar as he was back in the day.

"Oh, many people. Apparently you had a fling with Janos, Vorador, the Seer, even Raziel..."

"I'll have you know that I barely know Janos, I disliked Vorador, I was far too busy hunting after the Sarafan Lord to worry about bedding that old hag, and Raziel is my son for Christ's sake!" Kain huffed, and once more sucked in his stomach. Moebius grinned though, and shook his head. That familiar aura that came just before teleportation could be felt. Just before Moebius vanished though, in a sing song voice he replied.

"Ah, but you didn't deny it!"

Kain growled a bit, wondering how exactly the old man had lived for so long and somehow gotten more perverted. Although were such rumours actually going around? Kain scratched his head, gave the rest of the bread to the ducklings and headed home once more.

When Kain finally made it home, he entered his little house and was a bit surprised to find the phone ringing. The Elder Vampire looked at his phone suspiciously before answering.

"Uhn, Hello?"

"Kain? It's Vorador. Do you not have an answering machine?"

"No, why would I need one? No one ever calls me anymore. But- wait, how did you get my number?" Kain once again narrowed his eyes sceptically, although he didn't seem to grasp the fact that Vorador couldn't see the scowl.

"It's a little something we like to call, 'Caller ID'. Now, what was that call about?" Vorador said. Kain took a few moments to answer, not really sure what to say.

"Erhm, just to catch up with you, that sort of thing." Kain cleared his throat nervously, hoping Vorador had as much of a pot belly as he did. "Wondering if you wanted to, uhm, feed ducks. Or something." At a loss of what else to suggest, Kain waited for the even older Vampire to reply.

Vorador laughed outright for a while, chuckled mirthfully, and then paused a moment. "Oh... you were serious then?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Besides, you're a helluvalot older than I am!" Kain shot back, feeling somewhat offended.

"Kain, you idiot, we don't age like mortals do! Listen, how about I meet you at 'The cat's meow', alright? It's just along fifteenth Ave. Tomorrow night at nine?"

"Uh, sure I guess."

"Oh, and Kain? Make sure to dress as you normally would. If I see you in anything akin to a sweater-vest, I'll kill you."

Aaand that's all folks! At least for this chapter. Once again, my apologies for the boring crapiness of this beginning, but I promise you things will get funnier. Annnd for all you Razzy fans, depending on how many of you review this, I might just find a way to shove him into this. Anyhoo, flame, review, whatever, just acknowledge my existence and I'll be happier than a pig in dooty. ::Heart::'s for all!


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